Hermione's New Book
by DeathIsPeachy
Summary: Hermione has something Ron needs, but won’t put her book down…FOR ANYTHING! inset craziness kinda HGRW Abandoned Story for now
1. Ch 1:Shhhh

**Hermione's New Book**

**100 Prompt**: 001. Beginnings  
**Author**: Crazed  
**Disclaimer:** No, HP and HP characters are not mine…not mine at all…and also some references to Cloudlessnights from LJ…check her stuff out…winks  
**Summery:** Hermione has something Ron needs, but won't put her book down…FOR ANYTHING! inset craziness kinda HGRW  
**Note: **There are multipe author's under DeathIsPeachy (see Profile)...and this is Crazed's 1st fanfic...so, be nice like...

Chapter 1: Shhhh...

Hermione was sitting, just starting a new book…this irked Ron to no end.

See, Ron had this need to be snogged…_real_ bad. And, seeing he was home after a hectic school year, there were only three females in the vicinity…his mother, his younger sister, and Hermione. Two were really out, and, seeing as Hermione _was_ his girlfriend, the other would be mad if he didn't snog her.

Unfortunately, Hermione had started a new book….well, not new; it was rather old and tattered, but new to Hermione. Ron knows the trouble of getting Hermione out of a book before she's done…but….DAMN, he NEEDED to be SNOGGED…and soon…or he would die…

"Mione?"

"Shh, I'm reading."

"Hermione….?"

"SHH!"

Ron stood in front of Hermione, "Pleeeease?"

Hermione's brows furrowed together, "I said I'm reading. Why don't you go play with your broom…?"

_That's it_, thought Ron, _Hermione must be serious to be making such innuendos. Time for drastic measures!_

Ron ran out the room and into Ginny's.

"Hey!"

"Just borrowing it for a sec, Gin. I'll give it back."

Ginny pouted as Ron ran off with her CD player.

Back in front of Hermione, Ron started the player. Porno music blared out….bad porno music…ya know, the kind they make fun of on Who's Line?

Ron began to strip…slowly…..throwing his cloths at Hermione. She took no interest until she was hit in the face by his boxers…

"Ron, stop that noise would you?"

"I was doing it for you! What's the deal with that book anyways?"

"For you information, I found it at a yard sale…and it belonged to Harry's mum. So, just leave me to read…."

_Damn, the strip routine didn't work, and if it _was_ Harry's mom's, well, time for serious measures. _Ron got dressed.

Fred and George's Room

"Pleeeease? I NEED your expertise!"

"It'll cost you," Fred replied.

"Quite a bit," continued George.

Ron inwardly groaned, "What is it this time?"

"We need you, dearest brother..." Fred.

"..to retrieve for us, your bestest brothers…" George.

"..a pair of delightful…" Fred.

"..boxers, worn would be best,…"George.

"..from the Boy-Who-Lived!" The twins declared together.

"WHAT? Why do ya need those for!"

Fred, "Trust us…"

"You _don't_ want to know," smiled George.

"Fine!" Ron really needed to be snogged.

Back With Hermione

Ron sat down in a chair near Hermione…._the twins better pull through._

Suddenly Fred and George burst in.

"'Ello 'Mione!" Shouts George.

"Watch this!" Giggles Fred.

The Weasley twins start to make out….passionately…..Ron, to say the least is mortified and cannot move/speak/breath to save his life….

This continues on for a good 6 minutes, until both twins have lost their shirts, when Hermione, who has yet to look up from her book, says, "Enough boys. You're scarring my dear Ron. Go back to you jokes, I'm **not** getting away from this book."

The twins both sigh.

"Did our best Ron…."

Ron….almost faints as they leave the room…..

But, despite just watching his brothers make out, Ron still needs to be snogged. He leaves the room to start his plan…._This is, _he muses,_ only the beginning._

Hermione sighs as Ron leaves, her eyes still in the book._ I guess this is only the beginning._ She flips the page…

_Please review…I love you… -Crazed_


	2. Chapter 2:And Then There Was Tim

**Hermione's New Book**

**100 Prompt**: 002. Middles  
**Author**: Overwrought Product  
**Disclaimer**: You've gotta be kidding me...where's the slash! Of course I don't own them... Also, references to cloulessnights' work on LJ and Monty Python.  
**Summary**: Hermione has something Ron needs, but won't put her book down...FOR ANYTHING! insert craziness kinda HGRW

Chapter 2: And There Was Tim

Ron peered around the corner for about the fourth time in the last five minutes only to be disappointed, once again, by Hermione's hunched-over-a-book-and-thoroughly-ignoring-anyone-who-dares-disturb-her stance. The youngest Weasley brother sighed and slumped against the wall in almost defeat when he found a pair of boxers with yellow polka dots strewn at his feet. He blinked and remembered, with a strange feeling, that after his much-ignored strip tease he had forgotten to retrieve them.

"What's this?" Fred asked, picking up the boxers and bringing them close to his face for closer inspection.

"Well, they're certainly not Harry's," George commented in disappointment.

"How would you know?" Ron asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, they're not," Fred said, ignoring Ron's question, and flung them at Ron so they fell lying gracefully on top of Ron's head. "And that means...you still owe us."

"Yeah, yeah...bugger off!" Ron swiftly took the boxers off his head and stood up to put them back on (the right place, that is) as the twins left the room snickering.

At this point Ron would have glared at their retreating backs if something hadn't suddenly obstructed his view with a definite _pop_ noise. Well, more specifically, some_one_. Harry Potter stood in front of him, blinking confusedly and looking about the room. Ron wasn't sure whether to call it a stroke of sheer luck or just plain creepy.

"This isn't Bermuda..." Ron swore he heard Harry say under his breath.

"Curses, I've missed again!" Harry proclaimed, turned on the spot, and promptly smashed ungracefully into a wall.

"Er...Harry?"

Cursing and waving his arms about, Harry pointed at the wall in his path. "Damn this infernal contraption!"

"Harry!"

The raven-haired boy turned to face Ron and blinked again. "Oh...hello. I suppose I'm Harry to you? Most people call me Tim."

"Uhh...Harry, you feeling alright, mate?"

"Feeling alright! I just ran into...this...this...thing protruding from the ground!" Harry yelled, pointing viciously at the apparently inconveniently-placed wall. A bit agitated at this point, Harry then sighed. "Look, do you know the quickest way to Bermuda from here?"

Ron, utterly bewildered, shook his head.

"Ah, well, then I must be going..."

Ron grabbed him by the arm. "Harry...err...Tim, can I ask you to do a favor for me?"

"Sure, but I can't keep the puffins waiting too long."

"Right..." Ron pointed to Hermione sitting in the other room. "I'll be right back, so make sure she doesn't leave the room if she stops reading."

"Got it. Not to leave the room until she stops reading."

"No...if she stops reading."

"Right, right."

"Got that?"

"Absolutely. She's not to enter the room even if she starts reading."

"Oh never you bloody mind!" Ron snapped irritably, reminded strangely of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

"Well, I'll be leaving then," Harry said, smiling cheerfully. "Puffins attacking in the middle of the Bermudian War can be rather----" However, he didn't get to finish as he suddenly disappeared in much the same fashion as he had appeared not five minutes earlier.

"Was that Harry?" Ginny asked, walking into the room.

"No, just Tim," Ron replied with a very perplexed look still plastered across his face.

"Oh..."

No sooner had Ginny exited the room, another pop sound was heard and Harry (Or Tim, or whoever...) appeared once again.

"Harry...err...you are Harry, right?" Ron asked.

"Fortunately. When I tried apparating here the first time..."

"You apparated here! Well, that explains it."

"Yeah...I, well, kinda left my mind behind in the process," Harry explained, looking sheepish.

"Of course, it happens. One time Fred left his mind behind and he came back thinking he was Michael Jackson. Scary, yes, but perfectly normal."

"Hermione's here?" Harry asked, peering behind Ron through the doorway.

Ron was quickly reminded of the fact that his urge to snog had not gone away and briefly considered Harry as an option before shoving that thought out of his head. "Yes, she is, and she refuses to let go of that sodding book. Some girlfriend..."

"Well, Ginny seems to be enjoying it..."

"What!" Ron spun around and found Ginny sitting beside Hermione. The way her eyes were wide with glee and the large smile that took over her face were rather unsettling and she seemed as glued to the book as Hermione. "What the hell is so great about that bloody thing!"

Receiving no reply, he sighed in frustration...

_...Crazed thanks _unwritt3n xx_ for the review! and is sorry it took so long to get Overwrought Product to e-mail the second chapter..._


	3. Author's Note: We're Dead!

**Author's Note**

**From Crazed:**

So, I'm sorry that this took so long, but DeathIsPeachy kinda died. Sad, I know, and I'm still upset that Hermione's New Book is utterly without an ending.

DeathIsPeachy was an experiment between a group of friends to see if we could write amusing fanfiction as a group, each writing a chapter with one person creating an overall plot for everyone to follow (at least for a story or two before someone else took over).

The group that made up DeathIsPeachy got really busy our Junior year of HS, and could never get together to plan this. Couple this with not seeing each other much over summer, relations gone sour, college searching, and people without internets…well, you can very easily see where this went.

Here's the good news:

I, Crazed, am trying to start it back up again…hopefully. I've messaged one of the original members to see if she could come up with anything for the last chapter of this story.

Furthermore, I invite anyone interested in joining this project to send me a message with a link to what you consider your best/favorite work and a sentence or two about why it's your best/favorite. Just please, nothing terribly long, as I don't have the time and it wouldn't fit into the idea behind DeathIsPeachy.

Thanks so much for understanding!

Here's to hoping for an ending sometime soon!

-Crazed


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